madrantr

self-defense

2008-01-31T06:35:52Z

ok.

Just in case Sunshine posts pics tomorrow of her two black eyes, I want to get this out first.

She didn't walk into a door.

It wasn't a gang of young angry vietnamese men.

Our baby headbutted her mom at 10:30 pm, got her on the bridge of the nose, and then giggled cutely. For a very long time. Then there was much hair pulling and eye gouging. Which baby does because she loves.

Again, our darling baby committed assault with her GREEEATTT BEEEG HAID.

So just so you know. It wasn't me.

I was nice enough to offer Sunshine my painkillers.

I'm just saying.

nature

2007-10-11T01:22:22Z

"If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?" - Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Damn those Russians. It's obvious to me that vodka = great literature.

Why? Because I win...that's why.....

2007-09-24T16:17:37Z

Let's hear it for Stephen Lynch. Gruggach....you should now look up his song "Craig" on youtube. Just you, Gruggach - no one else.

I mean it.

note to self -

2007-09-05T18:34:07Z

Mental note:

When giving a spanking with a hardcover book, do not snap the wrist just before impact.

The repercussions of this percussion can be impressive.

ok. Yeah. baby pics.

2007-08-29T03:48:07Z

Ok - I'm sorry.

I know it's late in coming, but here are baby pics of little Adora Mia Rebecca Cyr. Most everyone we know reads the Sunshine's LJ and not mine - so that's my excuse. Still, I've been abusing those of you who only read MY LJ by not posing cute cuddly baby pics - cuz we all know that's what it's all about.

Here goes.

fresh baby Addie. - May 22, 2007

Batboy and Addie

Dad 'n Addie

Addie 'n Mum

Just Addie, about to invade Poland.

There. That's about all.

As I've been telling everyone...I'm just so damn relieved that the baby's so cute I'm not even asking for a DNA test.

sexxxxyyyyyyyy

2007-08-08T16:30:55Z

Yes, it's been a sexy day for me.

Got up at 4am - the baby's monitor had gone off TWICCCEEEEE.....(yes, twice) both false alarms, the second time I gave up on sleep.

I went downstairs, tried to write, came up dry.

I'm reading Day Watch, a novel by a russian guy with an unpronouncable name. (Ok...it's Sergei Lukyanenko...I can get the Sergei part - Russian names sound cool) I love the author's perspective, having read Night Watch first (don't see the movie first...it's like...Damn...wtf is going on? Oh yeah..there's Vodka..ok..we're in Russia) And Twilight Watch is to follow - yes, Sunshine's reading it now, she reads them all first.

I listened to Robbie William's "Sing When You're Winning" on the way here, the lyrics always make me laugh. "You've been laid in a Manger/now you think he's your Savior/But will he leave you his pager" - I think the accent helps, too.

All in all..it's a sexy day. Even if I'm in Port Alberni.

And I'm getting laid at 6 PM. It's scheduled. Don't tell Sunshine, I haven't pencilled in her DayTimer yet....

feeling lucky in general

2007-07-17T17:36:45Z

Heyyyy....

It's my birthday, today.

Last night Sunshine helped me start putting the scenes in order for Shadowplay the Screenplay, and it's feeling good.

This morning I woke up at 4 am, got to work on it, then snuck back into bed a few minutes before 7 am to find that Sunshine has snuck Adora into our bed, so I joined in a group cuddle.

Now I'm managing to ignore work, while staying highly coffee-nated. Yah for me.

Maybe tonight, pizza and a family movie. I love my life.

So far, it's been a great birthday.

in my defense...

2007-07-09T15:46:31Z

About this weekend...

1) I thought EVERYBODY was going to show up wearing tights and a codpiece.

2) Dressing like this is exactly like being out in the woods walking with your best friend. When a bear starts chasing you, you don't have to be faster than the bear. You only have to be faster than your friend.

I looked WAY better than both of my brothers this last weekend. Admit it.

ok...boss is awayyyyyy

2007-07-06T17:50:53Z

I'm the only one here in biomedical engineering land. Me, and the ghost of Dilbert.

so...today the light jazz is off, old Van Halen is on (right now, it's "Runnin With the Devil").

The Day is all chock full o' sunshine, and Sunshine is off getting her hair done, which always puts her in an ammmmazzzzingly good mood. The cutest little boy and baby girl in the world are at home, being watched by Mom-n-law. A place for everything, and everything in it's place. Eddie van Halen is going insane on "Eruption"...if you're old as I am, you know what I'm talking about.

I'm ignoring work and beating a screenplay out, making it fit..the..damn...mold. Which kind of involved holding it down while it struggles in the dust and roping it with one hand and teeth. Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.

Happy weekend, all.

Stress? What stress?

2007-06-13T20:56:53Z

Yes. I AM very sorry for not posting more, earlier and more often.

Things:

- Baby is home from the hospital, and dancing to Wil with Sunshine. I love that.

- Baby stopped breathing a week and a bit ago. The monitor they said we didn't need detected the non-breathing and Sunshine jump-started her back to life. No harmful sideaffects and baby is fine. Sunshine and I are rattled as hell...and I don't see that going away.

- The waves of baby-visitors are subsiding. Just before I started killing them. I had planned on mounting a few heads on fencepoles at the front yard, but thankfully this won't be necessary. And the neighbours wouldn't like it..is it SUCH a nice neighbourhood.

- Grace Kelly by Mika. Goddamned, some things are just TOO good. If you don't like this, then you're simply wrong. And don't talk to me.

- I'm feeling that finally things can get back on track. So I'll let you know how this goes.

May the power that created donuts bless you all...each and every one of you.

off to work I go...

2007-05-16T14:48:23Z

Today I get to travel to Port Alberni.

Those of you that have been to Port Alberni know that the town isn't much; however the drive there is very pleasant.

More pleasant than a day spent at my desk in the office at any rate.

And if you are wondering about my rates, just contant Sunshine. She mentioned that it looked like I was losing tone in my ass, so my street value should drop accordingly, fair market pricing taken into consideration.

Did I mention she was German? And my pimp?

I want half...

2007-05-06T01:07:12Z

My half of the chips are gone.

There was this bag of potato chips...they looked really good. Sunshine promised me that she wouldn't open the bag till we were together, then I found the bag in the trash.

The bag wasn't opened at the top. It was ripped up the back. Through it's spine. I'm talking vertebral damage. Bag looked like a dead stunt man from the making of "Jaws" The CSI crew are looking for the prison shiv that caused the damage.

Sunshine assures me that she doesn't know what happened. While looking at me with those big innocent eyes. Like the cat from "Shrek." All the while she's reading the expression on my face, to see if she has to switch to Plan B - which would go something like..."...did you know that potato chips can stop projectile vomitting?"

I haven't seen projectile vomitting...but I have seen this discarded husk of a potato chip bag.

I suspect she might be a serial killer. There's precedence. Ask her about the cat.

I'm looking for more snack bags, discarded. I'll keep you posted.

Is it me????

2007-05-03T17:39:19Z

Is it me, or is everyone crazy?

I had a few minutes before work this morning, so I parked myself in a table at Serious Coffee (this was a morning when I seriously needed coffee) and got in a conversation with a stranger about the playoffs, which I've been too busy to follow. He didn't mind filling me in on everything I've missed. I had a brioche. No idea on how to spell the word 'brioche' - but I'm pretty sure that's just about hwo the word should look.

Nice start to the day. It's been downhill since then, but amusingly so.

Ever since 8 am, the blame train has been flying around, trying to unload cargo. I've just spent an hour tracking down proof that our IS department IS to blame (heh..that's funny) for a system wide PACS network crash. I had to convince them that if there is a global problem with a computer network, it's not being caused ...by....one...machine, that isn't even on the network. Didn't they watch the Matrix?

For revenge, I changed the sign on their door from "IS - Information Systems" to "DIS - Disinformation Systems." Unfortunately, we're all engineers. We're all illiterate. No one is going to notice.

My better half is home in bed, counting the minutes until our little girl can be held in her arms, rather than being in her belly. Considering the fact that I'm grumpy if I get the flu, I sympathize.

I'm grumpy about not having time to write...but moving out of the old place and into the new, working full time and getting ready for the little baby has been keeping me busy. The work stuff is just adding the funny bit that makes all the real bits easy to deal with.

And the writing is starting again this week.......so be scared, be very scared.

it's a girl!!!!

2007-02-15T21:34:15Z

Ha ha....I posted first.

everyone say hello to our daughter Ronshine.

today

2007-02-08T22:46:17Z

In the shop working, knock on the door.

On opening the door, I was asked why I didn't keep the door open.

My reply.

"I'm a biomedical engineer. If I wanted to help people, I would have become a nurse - and as a consequence of that decision, I'd now hate people." Smile. "Can I help you?"

As it turns out, I couldn't.

I'll survive.

first page of Shadowplay 2

2007-01-26T18:20:09Z

Ok...please critique this. I'm going for shock and style.

The Present

After their lovemaking, he had to wait. So he held her close and whispered sweet nothings in her ear to make her smile. They kissed, and he mouthed words against her skin, cuddling her and listening to her soft whispers until her breathing settled and she began to make those small sighing sounds he loved so very much.

Still he waited, watching her face until the light was right.

He had left the shades open for just this reason; he had charted the waxing and waning of the moon for just the right effect. This evening the moon appeared for him, the clouds slid out of the way, and the bedroom was lit by a soft pale light. It was perfect.

He knew that there was only one way to do it properly, for he had taken the time to think it through carefully. He lay with her and breathed evenly until he knew he was ready.

He rolled on top of her and before she was even awake he was squeezing, his hands locked on her throat. She started to struggle immediately, her hands rushing up to pry at his. She clawed at him, but he didn’t care. He could have worn rubber gloves to prevent his skin from being found under her fingernails, but he couldn’t bear the thought of anything coming between his skin and hers. He needed this to be an intimate act.

In an earlier life he had been trained to be a professional observer, to take in each and every detail a crime scene might offer, to miss nothing. He was very glad of that training now.

Her features were beautiful. The dark shadows and pale moonlight played over her face – he loved her so much. He watched, eyes recording, indelible images etched in his mind so he could enjoy it forever, long after it had ended. He created a silent movie where all the colors were washed out by the dark and not a sound was made, it was all motion and vision, a perfect black and white silent film like the ones that existed before he was born. She died that way, so very beautiful, the remaining color and the rest of her life washing out of her and leaving her pale and lovely and soundless forever. She was so still, so very pure, and he was bending to kiss her lips when he woke, eyes suddenly wide in the darkness, a scream locked behind his teeth.

Body covered in sweat, Patrick turned to look at Mia, once again afraid of what he might find. She lay on her side facing away from him, and he closed his eyes, releasing a breath he hadn’t been aware he was holding. He gently moved to spoon her, holding her body with his, pretending that he could protect her. At least she hadn’t come awake this time – there would be no questions to answer, no lies to give.
Long after his breathing settled, Mia lay awake in his arms, her eyes wet and staring into the darkness of their bedroom. In the morning they would pretend that everything was fine. She would echo Patrick’s false smile and soft words and pretend to ignore the fear that lived behind his eyes and his over-bright smile. She would pretend not to notice the way he watched her throughout the day when he thought she wasn’t aware; with a watchful look on his face, as though he were waiting for something. Loneliness and fear washed over her as she lay in his arms, and alone in the dark she could give in to the terror and fear that she felt would never leave them.

In a few hours it would be morning, and they would once again pretend that everything was all right.

Driving by braille

2007-01-26T16:32:53Z

Ok.

I'm opposed to days when Sunshine gets to stay in bed and I have to work. It's not a nasty thing in any way, but she looks so good in bed that it's morally wrong that I have to leave.

I believe that I have different morals than most people.

And strange things happen when she's not here with me. Like parking.

After I was done with Timmy Hortons, I parked at the hospital. Got a prime spot. Then I grabbed tea and brown bag (yessss...it WAS an early morning donut...satisfied?) and got to the sidewalk and STOOD there....waiting. I was late, I knew that - but the hidden jokester in me must have suspected that there was something coming...something worth seeing. I sipped my tea and waited. For an old blue volvo, as it turned out.

She swung wide around the corner, and paused in beside the vehicle in front of my parked car, a la classic parallel parking position. She swung the wheel, backed up and screwed up...got the angle wrong. She corrected. I watched, sipping my tea, being perfectly still. I felt the wind in my hair, it was cold, I should have been inside. But. I. Was. Mesmerized.

There was at least 25 feet for her to park in. She backed up and hit my car. Bumper touching bumper, she cranked the wheel hard while her car was perfectly still. (Which is funny, mechanically). She pulled forward about three feet, leaving 22 feet of empty space in front of her, put the car in reverse, edged back and hit my car again. Not hard, mind you, but enough to send it rocking.

I sipped my tea. She pulled a bit forward, looking forward, looking backward, checking the mirror and over her shoulder. And hit my car again. And again. And again. At one point she forgot to shift the car into a forward gear and revved in reverse, only failing to hit my car again because our bumpers were already touching.

I found it harder to sip my tea because I was smiling. Wind still in my hair. At one point, I remember putting my laptop case down, freeing up my right hand. I really don't know why. Perhaps I thought the situation called for applause. It was surreal.

Not once did she use more than 5 feet of the 25 feet available for her complicated maneuverings; not once did she view me standing RIGHT THERE. It took her just about 5 minutes to park. And then the funny. She got out of her car, and spotted me. She froze.

"Uhhhmmm.....is this your car?"

"Yes. You hit me 14 times."

"Oh."

Clearly she didn't know what to say. I felt sorry for her, and ended the awkward silence by telling her that I would pick up a bobble-headed dashboard toy, if she was going to be here on Monday, because I think THAT would be funny. You know...a bobbleheaded toy with whiplash.

Hilarious.

She didn't agree, and stomped off. How can you NOT find this situation funny? I think I offended her somehow by not apologizing to her. For parking my car where she could hit it 14 times.

I love these little moments. They make my day. I feel as if I should have tried to write about this encounter in Dr. Seussian style of prose.

It's Friday. Enjoy.

Merry Christmas from VIHA

2007-01-18T23:24:55Z

fuuuuuuckkkkk.

I'm bored. Truly and deeply.

We just had the once-a-year gathering for all the biomeds in VIHA...which amounts to about eight of us. Originally planned for December, it was put off, and off..and off....unfortunately the idea evolved too. At the start, we were to meet at the local pub, dinner on the boss. Then the idea traveled through a few incarnations, resulting in this...

...a catered presentation of the new computerized medical equipment program, including a working lunch. Catered by the hospital cafeteria. OUR hospital cafeteria - the same food that we won't eat, each and every day we're working at the hospital. For good reason.

Little triangle sandwiches made of crap caught between two pieces of Wonderbread. Which is crap. There were a few raw veggies that were brown, and meat that was green. There was bottled apple juice, and grapefruit juice. There were those rock-hard Peak Freen cookies that had to have been cryogenically frozen along with Walt Disney. Hell...maybe the meat was Walt Disney. It's possible that the severe power outtages of this winter caused his containment field to fail and they made him into triangular sandwiches. That would explain a lot.

Little was eaten and nothing was resolved. It was a true Dilbert moment. Considering the vast quantities of money that is wasted by my department alone, this is a most grievous insult. Except that would mean that it was intentional. Which I'm sure it wasn't.

Which is sad.

Sad, sad days.

Posting 'cause I have to.

2007-01-11T18:41:35Z

Let's just get that into the open right away. I'm writing 'cause I have to.

Ok...when I'm sick I'm very not coordinated. Yes, I know it's fractured english, saying it this way, but it deserves stressing. I was up for about two minutes today when Sunshine caught me in the Malaysian Mantrap. There was a plastic hanger on the bedroom floor and a cast-off Save-On-Foods bag. I somehow stepped on said plastic hanger, caught the plastic bag on the hanger's hook and caught my steppin' foot in the bag. In so doing, I turned an intended 3 foot stride into an enforced 4 inch stutterfuck step, overbalanced, and landed gracelessly in a pile of Ron at Sunshine's feet.

Not surprisingly, she enjoyed this more than I did...and she made sure to point out that it was my fault that this happened. Along with global warming.

Later on in the day I was seen to open the car door, get out, then walk into the car door. I found it very hard to blame this on Sunshine also.

It's a bad day. I don't feel well. But I care so much for my fellow man (and woman) that I'm writing about my misery in order to cheer you all up, and to make it seem like your day is not going quite as badly as you thought it was.

I need to do more writing. But personal writing, not this stuff to all you sadistic livejournal people. Two reasons...I need to get writing done, personal stuff....and I don't want to give you the pleasure of sharing these Harold Lloyd moments with you.

It's 10:41 am. Fear the day.

last weekend

2006-12-11T22:18:38Z

Had one of those Christmas weekends.....

Very very busy with everything imaginable happening two or three times. Lots of nice shopping and Christmas preparation involved - got the tree up, and Sunshine is doing amazing homey Christmas crafts that would combust if I even touched them (not an artsy guy). So it's all coming together....

Till Monday morning arrived. Sunshine and I spent a sleepless night, and she was feeling all sorts of craptacular this morning. She decided to stay in bed and rest, while I went to work. I have one of those really weird head-colds going on, where the entire side of your face hurts and you can't hear out of one ear. Kind of a numb, thud-fuck feeling, where it sort of feels like every sound is smacking into the side of your face and vibrating your jawbone in order to be detected, in a way that doesn't even come close to normal hearing.

Then again, when was I ever normal?

That was a rhetorical question, corey...no need to answer. Please.

Still green, round 2

2006-12-08T22:03:20Z

So I get called to the Operating Room again.

This time they have a patient on the table, who is busy bleeding, and not doing much else. In his defense, he's doing a very good job of bleeding.

The nurse walks me over to a PACS cart (funny little computer thingy with two monitors) she says..."I can't get the mouse cursor to go from one monitor to another." And she illustrates this by moving the mouse RIGHT, and banging the cursor off the right edge of the left-most monitor, like Harold Lloyd doing a header into a brick wall on repeat. But it's less funny - she has a tough audience.

I tell her I'm not in PACS, don't know the system or the software, but I'll give it a try. So I move the cursor LEFT, and it pops onto the other monitor. Obediently. Like magic.

She's watching. Over my shoulder. Intently. So is the entire roomfull of OR personnel + two doctors who forced her to call me. So they're watching too, and the fix was a jiggle to the left, instead of a jiggle to the right. I can't even claim this was bad manufacturer design. Softly I inform her that either the monitors are reversed (doubtful) or the connections are reversed(more likely, and also more painful).

A doctor comes over, and jabs a bloody gloved finger at one monitor. He is tense. "I need this study..and this study...on the overhead monitor...NOW." He goes back to his patient.

I say to the nurse. "I have no idea how this software works...how do you usually select and display studies?"

She is sweating fear. Yes, it's possible. She answers. "I don't. I call Neil in and he does it." Well brother Neil is at home today, (see Neil and Bob, part 1) so I give it a try, and yessssss...holding down the CONTROL button DOES allow you to select multiple studies....and when I slowly drag the mouse pointer over the buttons on the toolbar at the top of the monitor, text messages pop up in helpful little balloons. I find one that reads "DISPLAY" and hit it...everything ends happy.

Now I'm not a fan of most doctors, for good reason. But I'm starting to see how they could be very angry individuals. I can understand how their working day might be frustrating - having to leave a patient to jab a bloody finger at a damn computer screen. I would be choked too, if the welfare of my patient depended on someone else knowing their job, or at least being middling familiar with the way computer systems worked. And they didn't.

I'm trying hard to find this funny. I'm failing, but I'm very happy that it's Friday.

yes...I KNOW I'm ranting...hence the nick

2006-12-08T18:55:41Z

More ranting, not so much mad...just amused.

Prick Neil (he's my brother) and prick Bob (backup for Neil - yessss...I know all the jokes about Neiling and Bobbing) are away from work today, so it falls to me to pick up the slack and work the Operating Rooms, which sucks. I also get to carry around this emergency phone that's about the size of a Mason's brick...I keep trying to fold the fucker and form a jeep or a plane out of it, but to no avail.

Phone goes off...even before my morning coffee....am told about a video monitor that is down in OR #4. The nurse telling me this scares me...she's stupid as hell, and I think she can READ MY MIND...and since she's really stupid I'm thinking I might be too....because she can READ MY MIND.

Anyway...I gown up, and go up three floors to the other end of the hospital, where they put the OR rooms just to piss me off. I put on my glovies, booties and that hairnet thing that makes OR fashion design the envy of Milan...and I go in.

She's there. Staring at me. I break eye contact, and look over at the monitor. I look back at her for confirmation, and she's starintg at me still, with a look that makes me wish I had worn the tin-foil hat that Sunshine made for me out of love. And craziness.

She nods, meaning that yesssss...that IS the monitor that is busted. I thumb the on-switch, and it comes ON. As things sometimes do. I look back at her..and I KNOW.

"Is...errr...the problem that this monitor has..is it that it won't turn on?"

She hasn't blinked since before I was born. "Yes."

"Uhmmm...ok. It's on now." I'm actually apologetic - scared of being scanned with her eyes. It's a little known fact that this was the scary bitch behind the exploding-head special effect in SCANNERS...and they went through a whole lot of actors that will never be missed, in the making of that movie.

"What did you do?" She asks. No...she accuses.

"I errr..uhmmmmmm...turned it on."

Pause. "How?"

I use the guilty finger to point to the ON switch. And I scramble for justification. "Really, I've seen this before. These switches are known for it...they sometimes cycle through On/off with one press...they're flaky."

Her eyes are mud-colored, showing pig-quick intelligence. She can see inside my head. "I tried three times."

I don't make a sound, but my brain stammers. I need coffee, I need a fast car, I need friends with Uzis, I need to escape. She's staring at me, not smiling. She's eating my soul with her eyes. The other nurses are also staring at us, sure they can get a piece of what's left after she's had her fill at my carcass, and eaten all the sweetmeats. They look mean. They look ugly. Like cannibal Ewoks dressed in green.

I mutter something about my being lucky, I guess, while backpedaling towards the double doors.

That is my job and this is my life. The part of my life I forget intentionally, once I'm home. This is the reason I love weekends. This is why I hug Sunshine so tightly, and weep on her breasts. Also, because she has really nice breasts.

You..out there...reading this. Is your day like mine? I hope so. Misery loves company.

how you like them apples?

2006-12-07T16:05:51Z

I rise to each challenge.

There you go. Nuff said. Just saved 1000 words.

Play super-hero theme song now

2006-12-06T18:21:35Z

Heyyyyyy......

"I'm going to need you to be brainless on Sunday as well, ok? So why don't you just plan on that. Yeahhhhhhh...."

In Port Alberni today, and brought a carload of stuff, sans tools. 'Cause why would you ever need tools when it's your job to fix crap? Yeahhh.....hmmmm.

It's Sunshine and my anniversary today - we are two years old since I met this gorgeous girl in the hallways of the hospital and said..."Wow...there's a chick who will never EVER even know I'm alive. Damn..she's hot. Wow."

And now look at us. Spiking her drinks with all those drugs really paid off. And momma told me that stalking wouldn't get me nothing but trouble.

Now I must go and fashion a rudimentary lathe out of debris lying on this arid plant. Yeah. Sunshine will understand the reference.

bc beauty

2006-12-03T04:08:20Z

Ok

Oh...heard the baby's heartbeat on Friday...it was awesome. Overwhelming. This is my very first baby, and I'm enjoying every minute of the process. Sunshine had the biggest smile that lasted all that day while we were shopping for babystuffs. Found some designer overalls by Ralph Lauren. Sunshine elbowed some other women out of the way, leapt on the pile of clothes with fang and claw displayed, surfaced with said biballs, screaming, "SCORE!!" Yes...it was that threatening/funny.

Last week I posted some beautiful pics from BC - and I've come to realize I'm cheating all of you. Cuz there's this amazingly beautiful pregnant chick I'm with...and I have a camera. I'm thinking of posting a few pics of Sunshine here...as a poster chick for pregnant girls everywhere. Let me know if you'd like that.